Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
