if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
