What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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