apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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