i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
