Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
