Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
