i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
