Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize