marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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