I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
