I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize