My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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