a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
