Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
