FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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