I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
