I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I understand Curling. That high.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
