no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
