Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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