Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
