Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
