So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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