I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
