I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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