Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
