BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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