Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Drake has all the answers
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
