were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
