I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
