I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize