Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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