dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize