why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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