please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
