so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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