When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
