Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
