Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
