my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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