Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Alive.
So much puke
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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