Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
