I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
