weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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