When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
