I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
