mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
