he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
