You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
