I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Welp...herpes.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
