I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
