Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
