Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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