Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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