god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
