the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
