That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
they're like a gay fantastic four
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
