I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
People in love make me want to vomit
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I deserve to be covered in dicks
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
