Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
As shirtless as possible
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize