Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
