I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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