I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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