i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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