You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
