I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
