My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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