Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
