i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
