you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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