Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
