if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
