I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
