no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
