my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
